Wow... We Have a WINNER!

*bangs head on desk*

This asshat was my TOP match today. I think PoF has started just picking people at random. I want a setting to chose people who can actually manage to write coherently.

Its Almost Looking Like the Douche Bag Sweet 16

Fortunately, I have not had any LARGE amounts of stupidity inflicted on me in the form on messages with crappy English in the last week of so. *happy dance* However, PoF has started scraping the BOTTOM of the barrel for suggested matches. Their RETARDED version of the eHarmony "algorithm" amounts to what has to be... "Eanie, Meanie, Miney, Moe".

Douche Bag 1:

About Me
{PLEASE READ DIRECTIONS BEFORE OPENING} (Yeah, but the directions are like the Ikea directions with the weird smiley & non-smiley people. And I can NEVER understand Ikea directions!)

"Just because the cover is interesting, doesn't mean you'll be able to understand the book"

Ok lets try plenty of fish.. I mean why not?? Im (*sarcastic sigh* poor grammar is SO damn sexy) single & dating.. looking for someone who will eventually be my girl (do I need to even get INTO the use of the phrase "My Girl" on a dating site?!?). I like to have fun! "obvious" so all i can do is hope for the best & hope even more i talk to someone i hit it off with & have no hesitations cause i automatically realize she's a "KEEPER" Im witty, charming, sweet, affectionate funny & im no follower!! (I'm really not sure if I can figure out what the HELL this sentence is saying without a LOT more caffeine.)

Been told my eyes (shall we play whats missing between eyes and my?) my arms & my tummy (Are we 6 years old? I haven't referred to my stomach as a tummy, except sarcastically, in a good 20 years!) are my best assets.. Anything else you want to know, just ask.. "HEY IM JUST A MESSAGE AWAY"

""*** To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world***""

GOOD LUCK TO ALL THE........

¸.·´¯`·.¸>«(((º>¸.·´¯`·.¸>«(((º>¸.·´¯`·.¸>«(((º>
¯`·.¸>«(((º>«(((º>¸.·´¯`·.¸>«(((º>¸¸.·´¯`·.¸>;«(((º>¸¸.·´¯`·.¸>«(((º>

IN THE SEA.... (OMFG! Look how talented he is... awwwww! he can make little swimming fish!)

*****Please have a recent/clear full length body picture(s) of YOURSELF - Men are visual creatures too - lol. It is only fair. A physical attraction is a *MUST*. However, although your looks may get my attention, your heart/mind will keep it****** (Please keep in mind, the pictures on PoF are TINY. And this guy won't be winning any modeling contracts. He's cute... Not THAT cute though)

MY NAME IS ANTHONY & I APPROVE THIS PROFILE : (My name is Melissa and I DISAPPROVE of your random colon usage)

Douche bag 2:

About Me
Ok,ok, don't rush me. I move at the speed of me..lol.I like anything fun outside! Work work work,sum1 has to do it.(right?) n e way,u can write anything on here, but I'd rather talk about it instead.music,yeah,love it. (Where the FUCK do I ever start on this?!? The lack of proper spacing, the text speak, the piss poor grammar?)

First Date
Play it by ear.....really,who plans this stuff out?!?smh (I. HAVE. NO. WORDS!)

At this point, I am NOT trying too hard to "find" anyone on these sites. They have more become a means to entertain myself in between Facebook & Food Network Humor. If I do manage to meet someone who doesn't end up being totally scummy or flat out BATSHIT CRAZY, that's great. If I don't, oh well.

FCUK! I guess I'm an idiot too...

File this under "Since you have to be able to laugh at yourself". This is a message I sent someone which proves I need to use Spell Check what I write a BIT more often...

Ice Buce Trays
Hey,

I had to laugh when I read that you don't own ice cube trays, because mine fell behind a cabinet next to my fridge a year ago. I haven't missed them yet. Unfortunately, I do have to preface every offer of something to drink with "Its probably warm" (I can't drink super cold things) shortly followed by... "Oh, and I don't have any ice"

Mel

Yeah... Perhaps, I have no room to talk.