Adventures In Dating

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Why?!?

All I can ask is WTF was this guy thinking????

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I'm not sure why (ok, PROBABLY the fact that I was listening to it on my way to work) Lady Gaga's "BoysBoysBoys" (*hands in BOTH her punk rock and metal badges*) is stuck in my head but at least it reminded me to FINALLY post this totally winning message I received...

He does seem to be VERY tattooed (something I am TOTALLY into), he is passably cute, he does seem like he could be a lot of fun...

HOWEVER he also probably would probably drive me nuts because he gives the appearance of being dumb as a stump. The second message, amazingly, is even worse.

I still need to write up everything that went wrong with the "Serial Killer", I am going to a speed dating event tonight with a co-worker, and I have a date with someone on Saturday. Hopefully the blogs won't be as few and far between...

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The New Man in My Life

Miss Eleanor Barnes of the Seaman's Institute once remarked, "Some people pour out their colorful stories to juries. Others relieve the tension by writing for the confession magazines. The sailor enlists the tattooers needle upon his own body in dull blues, vivid reds, greens and yellows to record the story of his loves and hates, his triumphs, his religion, and his patriotism."

Btw, my mother is going to SHOOT ME!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

You don't know SIHT about SIHT and PULL UP YOUR PANTS!

In a fit of insanity/stupidity/need to be punished for unknown transgressions, I decided to remove the age filter on my Plenty of Fish profile. And THIS is the shit I receive when I am THAT stupid:

hi there, your (<--- *sigh* poor grammar is SO sexy) a cuttie (See reference point 1), and dont live to (GAH! FUCK! What do my property taxes actually go for these days??? Apparently not teaching people how to get a grip of the English language) far, would like to talk to u (*crawls under desk whimpering and crying*) and get to know u better, (OH MY FUCKING GOD! What did a period ever do to you, so that you decide to completely BOYCOTT using one?) do u have an aol or yahoo screen name (does no one except my select group of friends use gChat? Has Google and my droid phone taken over my life THAT badly? I mean it does contain a MTA subway map with convenient gps locater, my shopping lists organized by aisle, an app with drink recipes, it will tell me what song is on, and tell me how many miles I've walked AND calories burned but... FUCK! Google HAS taken over my life!)? hope to talk to you soon (you are more likely to find a chicken with teeth like a Velociraptor, that you are to get a response from me)!

(1)

CUTTIE

Etymology: From cut.

Noun

Singular: cuttie

Plural: cutties

cuttie (plural cutties)

1. (slang, surfing) Short for a cutback.

2. (colloquial) A t-shirt that has had the sleeves removed.

3. (Scottish) Alternative spelling of cutty. Someone or something common and short or small.

4. (Scottish, archaic) A hare.

5. (Scottish, archaic) The Black Guillemot.

Oh wait... you meant CUTIE! A term that is so hated in my book that the last person who used it casually in my direction came VERY close to getting beaten to death. The only thing that saved them was that I use to work for the department of defense. I waited a LONG time to get my clearance and I don't want to lose it. Plus... my finger prints are on file. I'd be ID'ed immediately if I did do anything.

To cover my thoughts on this clusterfuck of a message, I must paraphrase the great Denis Leary (LOVE HIM!)... "You are 25 years old. You don't know SHIT ABOUT SHIT! And PULL UP YOUR PANTS!"

The latest about the date that will NEVER happen (my safety is key and when I have had 3 people in 1 day tell me in various way that I will end up on the back of a milk carton, I know I am in DEEP shit!) to be posted when I get a chance.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wow... We Have a WINNER!

*bangs head on desk*

This asshat was my TOP match today. I think PoF has started just picking people at random. I want a setting to chose people who can actually manage to write coherently.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Its Almost Looking Like the Douche Bag Sweet 16

Fortunately, I have not had any LARGE amounts of stupidity inflicted on me in the form on messages with crappy English in the last week of so. *happy dance* However, PoF has started scraping the BOTTOM of the barrel for suggested matches. Their RETARDED version of the eHarmony "algorithm" amounts to what has to be... "Eanie, Meanie, Miney, Moe".

Douche Bag 1:

(Yeah, but the directions are like the Ikea directions with the weird smiley & non-smiley people. And I can NEVER understand Ikea directions!)

(*sarcastic sigh* poor grammar is SO damn sexy)

(do I need to even get INTO the use of the phrase "My Girl" on a dating site?!?)

(I'm really not sure if I can figure out what the HELL this sentence is saying without a LOT more caffeine.)

(shall we play whats missing between eyes and my?)

(Are we 6 years old? I haven't referred to my stomach as a tummy, except sarcastically, in a good 20 years!)

(OMFG! Look how talented he is... awwwww! he can make little swimming fish!)

(Please keep in mind, the pictures on PoF are TINY. And this guy won't be winning any modeling contracts. He's cute... Not THAT cute though)

(My name is Melissa and I DISAPPROVE of your random colon usage)

Douche bag 2:

(Where the FUCK do I ever start on this?!? The lack of proper spacing, the text speak, the piss poor grammar?)

(I. HAVE. NO. WORDS!)

At this point, I am NOT trying too hard to "find" anyone on these sites. They have more become a means to entertain myself in between Facebook & Food Network Humor. If I do manage to meet someone who doesn't end up being totally scummy or flat out BATSHIT CRAZY, that's great. If I don't, oh well.

FCUK! I guess I'm an idiot too...

File this under "Since you have to be able to laugh at yourself". This is a message I sent someone which proves I need to use Spell Check what I write a BIT more often...

Yeah... Perhaps, I have no room to talk.