Cause I did it MY way...

I got this group of messages from someone I'd been seeing in May and who sat there basically insulting me when I shaved my head (as you recall, I didn't shave my head because I WANTED to, my HAIR was falling out). Unfortunately, Plenty of Freaks refuses to give me the messages I sent in reply. The replies were probably there for a bit, but I have been so focused this week on working with the rest of the amazing people who showed up to shield an American hero's family from those jackasses at the WBC, that I didn't bother to copy and paste this conversation until today.

From: j********8
Subject: Hi Sent Date: 1/17/2011 6:23:54 PM


mygod i finally found ya on this sh*tsite lol, i lost my phone and my contatcs hun, how u been and y havent u text me :( (Gee... 1. I didn't text you because you flat out said to me you HATE chicks with really short after I shaved my head. 2. You had a blackberry, and if you didn't sync it with your computer, you are fucking retarded. 3. It has been 7 months. I am not THAT hard to find so I call bullshit. Instead I kept it civil. I am firm believer in keeping myself under firm control in situations like this.)

From: j********8
Subject: RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 1/18/2011 1:55:48 PM


U SHOULD HAVE DATED ME :( U JUST STOPPED TALKING TO ME AND FIGURED U DIDNT WANT TO BE BOTHERED WITH ME, AND IM SORRY U WENT THREW ALL THAT MESS, IVE BEEN DATEING SOME REAL WACKOES LATLY BUT NOTHING SERIOUS OR ANYTHING TO BRING HOME TO MOM, (Really. I should have dated you?!? Perhaps you should have mentioned that BEFORE you had insulted me. Actually, you told me you didn't WANT to date anyone and THEN treated me like shit because I shaved my head so I felt better about myself and stopped obsessively pulling my hair out. So fuck off and stop rose coloring everything between us. I saw you... twice, and I had a CHANCE to meet your parents and you chose to hustle me out of their house.)

From: j********8
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 1/18/2011 2:06:48 PM


AWSOME, I STOPPED DRINKING AND GAVE UP CIGS 6 MONTHS AGO, U NEED MY BIG OLE****AGAIN LOL, THAT WILL MAKE U BETTER :) (At this point I'd told him I'd stopped drinking and stopped smoking, and was training for a half marathon. And I believe I had mentioned the holding pattern I was in with the Biker Boy. Oh... and I mentioned the fact that I am not a particular fan of being touched right about now.)

From: j********8
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 1/18/2011 2:19:37 PM


O WOW, AND THAT SWEIRD, U USED TO LOVE WHEN I TOUCHD YA, BUT U DONT HAVE TO EXPLAIN HUN, I UNDERSTAND :( (You're right, I don't have to explain. But I did try. I am unbelievably stressed and I've been through a lot recently. What I chose not to tell him was that I decided, after receiving the 10-page long totally nasty email from my former best friend, that I am just going to focus on myself, improving where I am physically, mentally & emotionally. And I also decided that I was going to get rid of my "drug of choice" which was focusing on my friends problems and completely fucked lives so I don't have to worry about fixing my own life.)

From: j********8
Subject: RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 1/18/2011 2:42:52 PM


OK HUN, SORRY IF I BOTHERED U THEN (I made the mistake of trying to assure him that it was nothing to do with him, and that it had everything to do with the shit I was put through by that douche bag I dated from MD and generally was trying to get my life together. And THIS is what I received...)

From: j********8
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 1/18/2011 2:57:20 PM


JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GIRL I KNOW OR TALK TO, ITS COOL, I WONT BOTHER U ANYMORE I GET THE HINT (I chose NOT to reply, even though there was NOTHING I wanted more than to BLAST him for treating me like shit then expecting me to come RUNNING back when shit with south with whom ever it was that he was banging! Dude... Seriously. I really don't think that this would even be an issue. The only reason I put up with Biker Boy's bullshit for the past 6 months is because I was truly HAPPY when I was with him. I never felt self conscious, in fact, BB made me feel like I was the hottest girl he'd ever seen. My only issue with him is that I feel like I will never actually be his girlfriend, and honestly? I am going to concentrate on whatever it takes to make me happy. Right now, just being me, and doing my own thing makes me happy.)

"No matter where I stand... I'm alone"

(Sorry. TOTAL Manowar moment, anyhow...) I got this in a message (the ONLY thing in the message actually) onPlenty of Freaks. While dude gets mad creativity points, he loses all of them (and then some) to the fact he looks like a 70's era wanna be Burt Reynold's dressed up like a sort of scary suburban cowboy and due to the content of the poem (or what EVER the fuck this thing is!?!).

Let me take you hold your body in my arms
Kissing those tender lips long and deep
Can you Feel my passion rise
Let us make love all through the night
Quickly decide, we must not waste a minute of time
Deftly remove all my clothes
Slowly I begin to caress your soft skin
My fingertips start to wander
Feeling the softness of you
Those tender breasts draw my fingers to them
Touching and stroking them
Covering your body with kisses
Over the curve of the breasts
Slowly reaching the nipples peak
Sucking with greedy abandon
The heat of our bodies rapidly rising
Breathing starts to increase
Panting harder wanting you now
Your body inviting
Moulding itself into mine
Thighs parted anticipating
Requesting my body’s presence
Obligingly I settle between them
Connecting to you
So slowly at first bodies moving in time
Reaching deeper into the depths of passion
Increasing the rate of heated attack
Faster rapier like movements
Lust consuming us both
Animalistic instincts taking over
Both wanting our own pleasure
Minds blocked to all other thoughts
Oh the passion
Faster we ride our primeval lust
Peaking explosively together
Tasted the essence of passion
Screaming my name in orgasm
Your body bucks with mine
We are as one, engulfed in each other greyicewolf

And PLEASE allow me to note, since I hadn't actually bothered to read all of that until i was formatting the blog... That shit reads like a bad Romance NOVEL! Really... there is NOTHING romantic or sexy about that. Maybe if it was hand-written in a super romantic setting, MAYBE! By some strange guy on the creepiest dating site since Ashley Madison? Yeah... not so much!

"love isn't blind....it's retarded."

(Apparently, that quote is from Two and a Half Men. Pookie posted it as her status, and well... I have no song lyrics or movie quotes that fit this occasion better than that.)

Unfortunately, most of my interactions on PoF has consisted of the following steps:

1. Receiving an email notification
2. Logging on
3. Reading a message that consists of "hi sexi"
4. Sighing in exasperation
5. Hitting Delete

I did get one set of messages from a guy from LA that seemed to have a lot of potential. More on that in another blog though. The Biker Boy decided to pop back into my life (I'd love to say more on this matter but I'm simply out of words in regards to THAT clusterfuck. I had a "nightmare" about him where he got all pissed because I was happier to see his dog than him. I believe that says it all!). Buti is still providing brilliant advice (Sometimes you have to look someone in the eye and say "Fuck You" instead of "Thank You"), and I have realized yet again: perhaps I need to adopt some birds and stay single (any guy I date will have to put up with my boys and... well... my boys are a bunch of fucking roughnecks. I actually commented to one guy friend that I have gotten nervous because my life is starting to resemble Boondock Saints!).

I had begun to despair for the blog (cause really... there is nothing interesting going on in my life) and then I received:
I'm new here and profile isn't
finished but wanted to say hi.

This may sound weird, but I've
always been interested in
bondage and I'm looking for
someone who would be interested
in experiencing being tied up I
could practice with.

I'm not looking for sex, just
bondage practice.

IF this sounds potentially
interesting to you, let me know!

I'd love to chat!

Otherwise, take care and I
apologize if you find this
message offensive.

Now... before I go any further, allow me to note this guy was HOT. As an added benefit he was in uniform and can even use proper grammar (all of these things are obviously pluses). However, I am NOT going to let someone I've met on what HAS to be the creepiest dating site in HISTORY practice tying me up (I've seen this torture porn! I KNOW HOW IT ENDS!)! There is a level of trust needed for stuff like that, and considering I don't even know dude's NAME I'm a bit nervous about all that. Needless to say, I very politely declined and explained I am not going to let someone I neither know nor trust tie me up to practice at "bondage".

*sigh*

Btw, I'm more indignant about the "not looking for sex" part than the actual message. lol. Because that screams of "Really... I want to tie you up, torture you, and kill you. But you are disgusting and you couldn't pay me enough to want to sleep with you". Shit like that damages a girl's ego.

When Life Goes Sideways…

I’m sitting here wondering if perhaps I should get permission from one of the people I am about to include in this blog. Lol. He will understand (ok, actually it is more of that old quote “its easier to get forgiveness than permission”). Not to mention… I highly doubt he will actually read this, which is funny because we talk just about everyday and he is one of the few people I truly look forward to speaking with. That list of people I look forward to speaking to is dwindling rapidly, and everything (my life going sideways over the past few weeks) is all tied together. You see, I got completely FUCKED (again) by the Biker Boy (yeah… real shocker there) after going through one of the more traumatic episodes (ok, like 4 days) of my life. Actually, it was more of during. In all honesty, I’m still in the middle of this whole shit-storm, but it has been a while since I have written and I am PRAYING that this brings me enough peace to sleep and not have my heart all screwed up.

I met Buti (yes… I have changed names as usual) a loooooooooong time ago. Even then he was mad cool. He was the guy mother’s warned their daughters about (Ok… all I really remember about him is this ridiculous Byronic Hero vision I had about him, and the fact my mother told me to stay the hell away from the entire family. Oh, and his brother and I had a thing for like 10 years – yup, I just blew that spot to everyone that has know me for a long time). Anyhow, he was that person in my life that I would think about and wonder about (I actually have a couple of them and most of them I have found). He had the most off the wall job (No joke. The scrapes he gets himself into are quite amusing and I get all the stories) and has managed to sustain a life that does not follow any rules (except the rules that could get him put into jail if he breaks them) but his own.

On a whim, I added Buti on FaceBook after he added a friend of mine. Then I started feeling hella-stupid about adding him (I’m A-MAZE-ZING at talking myself out of stuff) and I started wondering when an appropriate time to delete him would be (yeah… not the brightest crayon in the box at times). As I am slowly driving myself crazy about when I should delete him, Buti freaking messages me. To say I was shocked as shit is probably the understatement of the century. I was TOTALLY gobsmacked (Buti and I actually had a conversation about this a couple weeks ago). I was even more gobsmacked about the fact he remembered me (and was STILL talking to me. I was a serious dork during high school). Regardless, I ended up having a “NIGHT” (yeah, one of those where if one more thing went wrong I was going to hurt someone) and being half lit, I messaged him crying.

After that he has kind of become the person I go to when all hell breaks lose because of the absolutely BRILLIANT wisdom he gives me. Not only have I realized that Buti is like basically the “perfect guy” (he is half a world away – seriously, that makes it SUPER hard to get tired of seeing someone. The fact he could not shower and be a royal asshole really doesn’t matter in cases like that. Lol. I wouldn’t have to deal with it. And I'm kidding... I've already teased him about this), but he has also managed to get me to realize a whole LOT of shit about me, and about whomever I date (apparently it won’t be the Biker Boy who magically disappeared after I found out my drivers license was suspended).

I have a REALLY bad case of “Grass is Greener” Syndrome (this is actually a lesson from today) – I’m a geek. It has taken me YEARS to realize that fact, AND to appreciate it (usually). I prefer not to leave my house (I don’t really drink that much anymore, I don’t smoke, and I hate dealing with the “popular” kids), I crochet and knit, I can’t particularly tell the difference idiots from reality shows (but I can ID physicists and real scientists on science shows), I have a habit of saying some REALLY dumb foot-mouth shit without thinking (more on that later) and secretly… I’m kinda jealous of the “cool” kids. At some point this morning I said something about being one of the least cool people Buti knows (he knows some seriously intimidatingly cool people). I’m not going to get into very much detail about the rest of the conversation, but he told me that I was cool in my own right (he gave me reasons why so it wasn’t just one of those pat on the hand kind of conversations) and that the grass is always greener… I don’t know what it is like to be in the situation his friend is in (but thinking about it, parts of it HAS to suck), and for all I know this person would envy my simple “OMG I just bought insanely expensive yarn I’m so excited” pleasure in stuff.

I stay stupid shit ALL the time. Whoever I date needs to accept that and not give me shit about it – One of my favorite things about Buti is that I don’t get all twisted when I say something SUPER stupid to him, because he is never mean about it. He will definitely bust my balls about it (especially if there was an unintentional double meaning) but he is never cruel about it. I have only felt the need to explain myself ONCE and that was because I REALLY put my foot in it.

Whether it is a friend or a boyfriend, things need to be given equally – I would do just about anything for Buti. But he has been there more than anyone (Pookie – you were dealing with your shit and I didn’t want to bother you) else in my life. When shit goes sideways, he is the FIRST person I go to. Even if it is just a message so I can get everything out (I will tell him he doesn’t have to read it if I am just venting). I have given everything I had to a LOT of people who really didn’t deserve it, and who completely abused my trust. I’ve now realized that if there are only a handful of people I trust, that’s ok. I can’t be the only person putting forth the effort, be it monetarily, time wise, emotionally or physically.

I don’t need a boyfriend or whatever to make me happy – I’ve probably said this a million and one times. I don’t need someone with a specific title to make me happy. In fact, the LAST thing I want is for that clingy “drop all the shit you love for the sake of someone” bullshit. I need a partner in crime, an equal, someone who will stand up to me, and someone who can duck faster that I can throw something at them (“Next time, DUCK FASTER!”). I need someone who accepts me for who I am…

I will never apologize for who I am, nor should I have to. And I’m not going to sell myself short for the sake of making others happy (cause seriously… If I have to do shit like that they really aren’t worth my time). It is time for me to take care of myself and the people who truly matter. The ones who don’t give back, can be left behind.

PS. I think one of my smarter FaceBook statuses was “Pondering the choices people make. Are savages those who force themselves to conform to rules they don't believe in, or are we those who are willing to rebel against others notions and live by our own rules, truly free in our lives, our decisions and our lack of regrets.”

It's a Nice Day For a White Wedding

In HUGE news today (at least if you are like me and OBSESSIVELY read British newspapers)... Waity Katie is no longer Waity Katie! We will have a royal wedding to turn into a drinking game. I know, you're as thrilled as I am. These are the rules that my former tag team partner and I came up with THUS far. Please feel free to add your own suggestions to the comments and I will update the blog as needed and will give you credit.

Take a Drink:

• Every time you see a ridiculous hat (you are guaranteed to get plastered off this alone)
• Every time someone has the look of "OMG! SHE'S WEARING WHITE!?!" (for those who DON'T get this, Kate and William have been living together for a couple years now. So much for the new HRH being a *cough* virgin)
• drink if Chelsey Davy is there and is staring at Prince Ginger waiting for HIM to propose (CD is His Royal Hotness Prince Harry's now ex. She is GORGEOUS, but they are on and off more than a light switch)

Take 2 Drinks:

• 2 drinks if it looks like Prince Phillip is imagining a younger woman naked rather than paying attention (The Queen's Hubby ALWAYS puts his foot in his mouth or does something mind-blowingly inappropriate)

Chug:

• If prince Hot Ginger flashes something inappropriate (even funnier if he looks like he's TANKED!)
• If Prince Charles has the same look of ABJECT boredom he had during his own wedding

Oh geez... REALLY?!?

There is another blog coming about my love-hate relationship with my phone, especially when dating someone. I'll probably post it this weekend in between sleeping (I don't know WHY I go to Clifton to catch up on sleep. Biker Boy snores, and Fink insists on grooming me periodically throughout the night. Plus I have to wake up BALLS early to catch my train. There is NEVER enough sleep for me there but at least I get my third of a king size bed.), reorganizing my house and pulling my AC out of my bedroom window.

Oh, and one of my ex's and I have started talking again. *waves* Since I know you are bored and probably reading this.

Anyhow... Onto our topic of the day which is "Apparently I need to re-write my profile". How do I know I need to do this?????

Asimtold (<--- I knew I should have deleted the message without reading it as SOON as I saw the name)

"In search of a strong Woman to serve" (Saw it AFTER I read the message)

Hello,i am here in search of finding a strong,demanding,strict Dominate Woman to allow me the opportunity to serve Her.i have always been a dominate man until recently.After i was put in my place by a Dominate Woman,i have since realized i have a desire to be owned and do what it takes to make the Woman that owns me happy and pleased.
Although that includes sex,if She so wishes it,this is NOT a sexual role playing situation i am in search of.i also would like for it to be long term as well.But with both of those scenarios being mentioned,i will settle for the role playing and/or short term.i am new to this,so i'll take what is presented to me to better myself as a slave.
This would be a 24/7 "on call" situation for You.Meaning,if You text/call me at 2am for a massage,i'm on my way;6pm and You just got done a frustrating day and You want to release Your stress out (however You feel the need to achieve that),i'm on my way.Of course,this is all within a few limitations that i have and will be more than happy to go over with anyone interested.
Thank You for time You gave up to read this.

***To those that frown upon this lifestyle and/or "look down" to those that partake in this lifestyle,I ask you to open your mind and not to let society dictate what should be considered "normal".As long as everyone is enjoying what is happening and no one gets hurt in the process {unless it is desire and/or acceptable by the one being hurt-;-)},what is the harm?Just because it doesn't seem right to you doesn't make it "wrong" or "Weird",etc., (WHY the FUCK can't people put spaces after punctuation? That annoys me! Yeah, I know. there is a long list of shit that annoys me and I'm short of sleep)

So here is the message:
Subject: Could i interest You in................

owning me?Please read my profile and consider me for Your use as You see fit.i am in search of a demanding,strict,and Dominate Woman to worship,cater to,and serve as She wishes.Thank You for Your time.


dave



And now we get into my beef of the day. This is a very good looking guy, and I am very tempted to respond JUST so I can kick him in the face with a pair of steel tip boots. Literally. There are sites aimed at Doms/Subs so WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BOTHERING ME ON A DATING SITE!?!?!?!?!?!? My profile specifically says:
I own my own home, I work a damn good job, I pay all my bills on time, I don't expect sh*t from anyone else and I am not the type to put up with dishonesty or games. We are all adults here, but I am still endlessly amazed with the way people act sometimes. I have no desire to be with someone who "needs" me in order to be happy with their life. I want someone who considers me the "icing on the cake of their life", compliments my personality and I would like someone in my life who is an equal. Someone that will be there when it all goes to hell, but also is willing to stand up to me if I cop an attitude.

Where in there does it say that I want a submissive/slave/servant/french maid????? Did I miss something? WTF!?! Better yet I give full disclosure that I am really not interested in fetish stuff (wait... well... not in terms of finding it with a stranger on a dating site. I much prefer to hash out all of that stuff AFTER I make sure dude isn't a raving psycho-twinkie):
I really don't care about your fetishes or whatever and I especially don't want a detailed description of them before you bother to tell me your name. I have gotten some ****ED up messages on here and to be honest, most of them end up on my blog, which currently tends to look like the worst of the worst in internet dating. I'm thinking of adding some of the really cool and really nice (normal) messages I get too. They tend to be few and far between though.

Its 10:30 and I already have a headache...

There are VERY few things that make my skin crawl...

I am an ex-carnie. It is something I am fiercely proud of, and also something that has given me a lot of in site into people. It also fueled my love learning about of abnormal psychology. It has also made me HUGELY suspicious of peoples motives, which I guess is a good thing:

From: m******y (View Profile)
Subject: Hi Sent Date: 10/20/2010 2:09:18 PM

You are truly a beautiful woman. Without being too forward, I was hoping that I might ask for your cell number so we could get to know one another. I am not your typical jerk that is looking for one thing on this site. I want to get to know you, not just your beauty. Thanks. Brian

From: m******y (View Profile)
Subject: Hi Sent Date: 10/20/2010 3:13:19 PM

Hey beautiful. If you are interested in getting a couple hundred tonight legally and non sexually for 3 hours of your time, please reply asap. Its a simple and easy dare. Just would need 4 things. Know how to flirt, have a car or can get one, own ankle or knee high boots, and dont mind having a few drinks. Let me know soon please.


From: Hooli-Gin (View Profile)
Subject: RE:Hi Sent Date: 10/20/2010 3:17:04 PM

Should I even ask what you are proposing?


From: m******y (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 10/20/2010 3:19:14 PM

Just hanging out, having drink around a firepit, acting flirtatious, and dressing however you want and in boots. Thats it.


From: Hooli-Gin (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 10/20/2010 3:23:17 PM

The carnie in me sees a catch somewhere in this dare.


From: m******y (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 10/20/2010 3:23:49 PM

no catch


From: Hooli-Gin (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 10/20/2010 3:24:48 PM

There is always a catch. Especially when it is termed as a dare.


From: m******y (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 10/20/2010 3:25:51 PM

jsut act like you are totally into him, simple


From: Hooli-Gin (View Profile)
Subject: RE:Hi Sent Date: 10/20/2010 3:27:26 PM

lol. Now you really have to explain this one further.


From: m******y (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 10/20/2010 3:28:01 PM

?


From: Hooli-Gin (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hi Sent Date: 10/20/2010 3:30:42 PM

"jsut act like you are totally into him, simple"

Who are you setting up? Why are you setting them up? Why is this worth paying a stranger a couple hundred (as you said) to do?

I have not received a reply as of yet, in fact, the gentleman in question read & deleted the message. And yeah... I may have watched far too many true crime shows but my father always told me "If an offer seems too good to be true, It probably is". I think I just had a very odd near miss.