Use the Fork Luke, Use the Fork!

This is the message that started it all when it comes to me taking messages I've received on PoF and emailing them to my friends with a running commentary.

Hi there, so you were wrestler and a manager,that sounds pretty awesome. the only wrestling I ever did was in High School (gee. Apparently that's where most people I know wrestled) , (<-- Improper comma usage!) what type of metal do you like, (seriously?!? how many flags on the play am I going to have to throw due to improper comma usage???) i'm a huge fan of Type O and slayer (My profile actually lists all my favorite bands. We didn't make it past my pictures did we?!?). My profile is vague due to what my profession is (What? Covert Black Ops? You have the body of a navy WALRUS not a navy seal! Give me a break. you are afraid your girlfriend is going to bust you!). What type of mma do you study (Um... Mixed Martial Arts?!? As in MULTIPLE STYLES!), I spent 4 yrs in the military and pick up a couple of things. Also took krav maga for about a year and a half. We'll (I was totally trying not to harp on crappy punctuation usage...) don't want to sound boring and all that kinda stuff (too late. You sound fucking STUPID too so you have 2 things going against you), so was just hoping to say hi and see how it goes, (<-- bangs head on desk) I'm new to this online stuff. I have alot of tattoo's (would you prefer a medal or a cookie?).

joe

This guy actually went on to tell me he was a "sensitive" and "psychic". Oh, and that he works at Ft. Dix (wait, but you can't tell me what you do for a living?!? What sense does that make?). *rolls eyes* Um.... and I use to work for the Department of Defense. I highly doubt, if your job was THAT classified, you'd be allowed to troll PoF during work hours. Actually I know for a fact that any classified computer isn't hooked up to the internet. Just saying, cause that is an obvious security breach.

At some point since I haven't gotten any funny messages lately, I'll actually start going through and copying peoples profiles and posting them. No pictures, No names. Just plenty of stupidity.

You HAVE to be kidding me!

This is an ACTUAL exchange I just had with someone on Plenty of Fish, and my thoughts about said exchange:

hey there ya looked at my profile but no message ... whats up with that?
Well first of all, Ted Bundy could probably come up with a more stimulating profile in his sleep. How the HELL did you manage to be monosyllabic ON THE INTERNET?!?


That takes massive amounts of talent. Second of all, There is NO goddamn rule that I have to contact you BACK! You gave virtually no information on your profile, and I'm not wasting my time. Wait. Ok... maybe I am. But that's only when most of my work is done and my brain feels like jello.

Probably a combination of far too much stress and thinking that I replied (and apparently forgot to).
Or I just didn't want to, and I am attempting to be diplomatic.

how far are we? I like your pics and
profile... Are we like hours from each other?
Eric
*prays silently* Please God, do not turn me into a grammar nazi! That's what I am turning into on PoF. I look at peoples profiles and I cringe. I am the FIRST to admit that my grammar is not stellar, BUT I do believe in punctuation. An added bonus is I can't stand "text speak".

Honey, your pics and disturbing lack of profile make you seem like John Wayne Gasey's less talented younger brother. No only does that scare me, but you are so damn insistent that I talk to you, that I am seriously considering going into witness protection.

I think its an hour and a half or 2 hours. No clue.
Kindly don't get me into the fact that this idiot apparently can't figure out GOOGLE MAPS!

At this point in time I'm sort of wondering, since this is the quality of message I get, if I should just go back to trying to meet guys in bars...

*sigh*

I just got another reply from him.