I wasn't born with enough middle fingers...

"okay so...friens with benefits sexienss?"

"Sorry. I'm not looking for that kind of stuff."

"too bad - i think we could have had fun! ;-) let me know when you wnat me bad enough to change your mind ;-)"

No, I think you are a scumbag, ugly and your spelling & punctuation SUCKS! There is a reason I didn't answer the FIRST time you propositioned me like 2 weeks ago. Actually there are MULTIPLE reasons...

1. As a general rule I don't fuck with married guys. Why? Cause I'd rather not get dragged to court when she divorces your dumb ass! If you are dumb enough to use a DATING SITE to pick up a fuck, then you are also dumb enough not to do ANYTHING to cover your tracks. I will sit in front of that judge and your wife and sell you up the RIVER simply because you were stupid enough to drag me into this. AND you live together! Really... how are you planning on hiding this shit?

2. If you are hitting me up for a "friends with benefits (yeah... benefits for YOU, maybe)" situation, you are hitting OTHER chicks up too. Since we have already established you aren't the brightest crayon in the box, I highly doubt you use ANY sort of protection. And seriously? That thought makes me want to go home, scrub my skin off with steel wool, and then bleach myself.

3. I don't really give a FUCK that you think we'd have fun. I think I should be rich and never have to set foot into a fucking office, or deal with another stupid asshole again! It will be a frigid day in fucking HELL before I would want to be close enough to beat you to death with a with a goddamn Louisville SLUGGER let alone want you bad enough to contact you for a "good time". I'd rather masturbate with a RUSTY CHEESE GRATER!

And yes... I blocked this fucker.

And I ra-a-an, I ran so far a-way-aa!

cluster fuck (plural cluster fucks)

1. (US, UK, military, slang) A confusing or chaotic situation or event, often caused by a failure of communication, an excessive amount of people attempting to accomplish a given task, or a complex environment.

The first facebook status message after the date I had last night: The only way to describe that date starts with the word cluster...

• His profile says he is 6'. he is actually about 5'6 or shorter (I towered over him! It was ridiculous. I SHOULD NOT be able to easily drape my arms over your shoulders).
• According to his profile PICTURES he is a jacked Jersey-Shore Italian, diamond earrings and all (amazingly something I'm ok with). in reality he is a chunky fucking Irish dude (again, something I am ok with. But don't advertise yourself as something when reality will come crashing in quite quickly and I'll know you are fucking lying)!
• He was buzzed/drunk when I got there. He was wrecked when we left (I completely understand dating is stressful. However, when you are trying to make a good first impression, this is NOT how you do it).
• He almost got into TWO fights, and spent the night doing the tough guy posturing (the problem is, the 2 guys he almost got into a with didn't want anything to do with it. And I could have beaten these guys in heels & a short skirt. What caused one of the near fights? Some guys sat down on the bar stool we had been holding for a friend of mine we happened to run into. I was perfectly ok standing... But he would just NOT let it go! I want to have fun on a date, not try to get some jackass with beer muscles to calm down and stop being a douche bag.).
• He wanted me to come home with him so he can give me a "back massage" or at least have a glass of ice tea (I seriously had to say no about 15 times. I don't like repeating myself. That leads me to believe you are either not listening or don't care what I think. And I am not going to set FOOT into a house of someone that may or may not be fucking psycho).
• We ran into a friend of mine and her friend, he ended up lecturing Gata (my friend's friend) on how she needs to get her life together, and dump her boyfriend. THEN he started crying, ran off to the bathroom to "compose himself", and then texted me about how I needed to mark his words, we are going to lose Gata within the month (WE will not be losing her to suicide. Jail perhaps, when she stabs you in the eye with a FORK {that ones for you Mer} but not suicide. Not to mention, there is no WE! There is no US! When you start scaring my friends this is a relationship that is going no where. And did I mention he started CRYING!?!) .
• He asked me if I was bi (which I am) then wanted me to go pick up some chick even tho I REPEATEDLY said that I keep that shit separate. I don't do both at the same time (Really. That to me causes needless drama, and I am just not doing that! We are not going to have a three-some. At this rate we are not even going to have a TWO-SOME! I don't need to sleep with you and then have you crying afterward about how special it was. I will end up with my own 48-Hours Mysteries special if you do that.).
• He SUGGESTED what I should wear jeans and boots (as in HEELS, AFTER I repeatedly said I don't wear heels that much during the winter. He looked me up and down and said "You would have looked perfect if you'd actually worn the heels like I wanted". I think this was the 14th time that the voices in my head started arguing and doing a cost-benefit analysis on whether the jail term would be worth it if I killed him.) after telling me that we were going to a nice sports bar so I needed to make sure I actually dress appropriately (I went to school for fucking fashion design and I am 31 years old. I CERTAINLY think I know how to dress. In fact, I get compliments all the time on how well I dress... I am not particularly flashy, I prefer not to wear super tight clothing, everything I own is good quality, I dress for my size, shape and AGE! And this could have gone a lot better if he had said "Idk if you have ever been there, but ******* is a pretty nice Irish sports bar and restaurant." Oh, and by the way... he was in a tee-shirt and jeans. Certainly not the way he initially made this place sound!)

Needless to say... I DOUBT this will be going any further. Because really dear readers, I love you all but I will NOT subject myself to any more torture than i have to for your reading enjoyment.